Okay firstly, I am okay. But I need to let this stuff out..
Wednesday was the most traumatic and horrifying day of my life.
I walked down the ward and looked directly at Mum in the bed, she just didn't look like Mum, wired up to machines, white as a sheet, crying and screaming in agony, she was crying for pain relief and crying for God to help her. Thankfully I wasn't on my own, Ruth & Robin (the pastors from the church) were there, they were praying with her and talking to the doctors/nurses, as I was sitting there with her in the hospital I was having to hold bowls for her to vomit into, it was horrendous, she wasn't getting seen to quick enough and I shouted at one of the nurses then I ran out into the corridor and just broke down. I was crying so much that I was hyperventilating and shaking. I thought that was it, Mum was going to die. I went into the toilet and just vomited, I think it was shock more than anything.
I have never felt terror like that, I got home really late then had to explain to Ollie what happened, then call the family and tell them to come down, they were all brilliant, especially Grandpa & Aunty Catharine who talked to me and calmed me down a bit. Later on that night, I just didn't know what to do with myself. I just got down on my knees and prayed my bloody heart out, I got everyone to pray, and so did Robin & Ruth, Grandma.. everyone at the church and all our friends.
The next morning, I couldn't believe it... I was sitting on the settee next to Ollie and the phone rang, he answered it and it was Mum's voice... I just wept with joy, I had a quick word with her, and a euphoric wave came over me like a waterfall of peace and I couldn't deny a miracle. Mum was able to talk, she was saying she was okay.
My life has changed. I now know what life is all about. Material shit, money, being beautiful, sexy... all that bollocks doesn't matter at the end of the day. It doesn't mean SHIT.
ALL that matters is the ones you love. DONT EVER take anyone you love for granted. Sometimes it has to literally STARE you in the face to make you realize what reality is. Don't wait until this happens to you to make you understand the importance of family, friends and relationships.
That night I was praying, my hair was matted, I was sweating, my face was puffy and everyone could see me crying in the corridor.. I just didn't give a flying fuck.
Hey... maybe all this crap has happened for a reason?
And she's home now. I am just SO blessed to have her here and alive and recovering.
Yes, i need therapy. Lol.
